Self-Control
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Have you ever seen a video where parents secretly record their toddlers to see if they eat a treat when mom or dad leaves the room? Usually it ends up being funny because everyone can relate to the toddlers, who are unable to contain their excitement.
Dedicating yourself to a goal means you won't eat the treat when mom or dad leave the room. It's self-control. It's very hard. But it's very worth it when you're successful. It's a good thing to work on now because it's a life-long skill. A lot of adults would take that treat. These are the best ways to practice self-control to reach your goals: Mindfulness Scientists know through research that people who practice mindfulness also observe their thoughts and feelings without reacting to them in unhealthy ways (tantrums and other impulsive decisions) so they can be more logical even when unpleasant thoughts and feelings are present. Practicing Mindfulness is practicing self- control! Understand the Impact of Your Decisions Sometimes when we have a choice (to take the treat or wait), we feel that impulse to just grab it or do it. It feels like the same impulse to cover your face when a ball is coming straight at you. It's hard to stop and think about the impact your choice can have. When our 9 year old was 2, he started doing things that made us think he didn't have the flight or fight part of his brain. So naturally we were nervous wrecks. Until mom started shouting "good idea or bad idea??" It was usually a bad one. Practicing self-control is yelling "good idea or bad idea??" at yourself before you do something. Sometimes it's hard to tell, though. Some more good advice we've heard is to ask "who does it help?" This advice was about saying things in the heat of the moment when you're upset. But it can be true for making most decisions as well. Many times you have to decide if you want something right now. Getting it or doing it right now might mean you have to pay for it later with your time, money, or emotions. Getting something right now might mean another person has to pay with time, money, or emotions. So you have to ask "who does it help?" and "who does it hurt?" If you find yourself with a choice that is hard, try using this worksheet. Taking responsibility for your actions This is hard to do if you don't want to be "blamed for it." Practicing self-control means you understand you will have to take responsibility for your decisions. It also means you actually take the responsibility. A lot of times we panic when we are faced with the impact of an impulsive decision. We think "how do i get out of this?" The absolute worst thing to do is to not take responsibility. Try using this worksheet to think about taking responsibility. |
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Why It's Important For Anxiety
Self-control is a Social Emotional Skill that helps you reach goals. You need goals to manage your anxiety!
Setting goals allows you to sit back and relax because you worked so hard to make up goals.
Not Really.
Setting goals allows you to break up the big giant "I want to manage my anxiety" goal into smaller, more reasonable goals. Click on the SMART goals box to learn more.
Another reason practicing Self-Control is important for managing your anxiety is because of:
Setting goals allows you to sit back and relax because you worked so hard to make up goals.
Not Really.
Setting goals allows you to break up the big giant "I want to manage my anxiety" goal into smaller, more reasonable goals. Click on the SMART goals box to learn more.
Another reason practicing Self-Control is important for managing your anxiety is because of:
Decision Making
Self Control is really about making good choices.
With emotional regulation, you have to choose: work on it or give in and throw the world's biggest tantrum.
We're about 4/7 for the day, most days. Because it's super hard.
In fact, we recently tried an experiment: keep your devices, but make good choices about stopping and choosing to read a book or help with a chore WITHOUT A REMINDER OR ALARM OR MOM BLOWING HER GASKETS.
It went better than expected on day 1, but day 2 was a disaster. The 12 year old said, "it's too hard to try hard every day." Girl, I know.
Problem Solving Skills help you navigate tough choices. You have to weigh your options, think of the outcome, and question your motivation. Practicing these skills, will help you make better choices and stick with achieving your goals. Click on Critical Thinking to learn more.
With emotional regulation, you have to choose: work on it or give in and throw the world's biggest tantrum.
We're about 4/7 for the day, most days. Because it's super hard.
In fact, we recently tried an experiment: keep your devices, but make good choices about stopping and choosing to read a book or help with a chore WITHOUT A REMINDER OR ALARM OR MOM BLOWING HER GASKETS.
It went better than expected on day 1, but day 2 was a disaster. The 12 year old said, "it's too hard to try hard every day." Girl, I know.
Problem Solving Skills help you navigate tough choices. You have to weigh your options, think of the outcome, and question your motivation. Practicing these skills, will help you make better choices and stick with achieving your goals. Click on Critical Thinking to learn more.
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