What is Resiliency?
Resiliency is the ability to overcome difficult situations without feeling gut punched and broken.
When life presents you with a challenge (an exciting event got cancelled, your friend ignores you, you fail an important test, someone you care about is gone), resiliency means you can learn and grow from the experience rather than curl up and give up.
Having it doesn't mean stress is eliminated or life’s difficulties are erased. If you are resilient, you understand that setbacks and challenges are part of life, and you accept that life is sometimes hard or painful. Your mental outlook allows you to work through difficulties and recover.
Resiliency gives you the strength to address problems directly, successfully overcome adversity, and move on with your life.
When life presents you with a challenge (an exciting event got cancelled, your friend ignores you, you fail an important test, someone you care about is gone), resiliency means you can learn and grow from the experience rather than curl up and give up.
Having it doesn't mean stress is eliminated or life’s difficulties are erased. If you are resilient, you understand that setbacks and challenges are part of life, and you accept that life is sometimes hard or painful. Your mental outlook allows you to work through difficulties and recover.
Resiliency gives you the strength to address problems directly, successfully overcome adversity, and move on with your life.
Where does it come from?
Have you ever noticed a person who doesn't seem to ever be stressed or seems to have it really easy?
While some people seem to be born being resilient, studies have shown that resiliency can be taught at any age.
Resiliency can be learned, but it' s important to remember that cognitive, emotional, and behavioral change is not easy.
Learning resiliency is most effective when it becomes a health practice much like washing your hands, brushing your teeth, or getting enough sleep. Practicing is not a “sometimes” thing,” but rather an “everyday” thing.
While some people seem to be born being resilient, studies have shown that resiliency can be taught at any age.
Resiliency can be learned, but it' s important to remember that cognitive, emotional, and behavioral change is not easy.
Learning resiliency is most effective when it becomes a health practice much like washing your hands, brushing your teeth, or getting enough sleep. Practicing is not a “sometimes” thing,” but rather an “everyday” thing.
Anxiety and Resilience
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1. How resilient are you?
First you should answer questions and determine whether you can bounce back from difficulties. You probably already know whether or not you can bounce back from difficulties or disappointments easily, but there is a scale to help you figure it out. Click on the picture to download your free worksheet. 2. Challenge your thinking. Bouncing back means you are able to question your thinking when bad things happen. You need to be able to introduce a different way of looking at things so you don't jump to the conclusion that everything is hard and terrible and you should give up. If you struggle with perspective, or seeing things from another point of view, start by clicking on Thoughts. 3. How positive are your coping skills? Learning positive coping skills helps you fight your instinct to lash out and blame or internalize and give up. If you're not able to deal with obstacles, start with building your coping skills. Learn more by clicking on Positive Coping Skills. 4. Learn emotional regulation. Emotional Regulation is pulling yourself back from the brink of emotion explosion. It's really hard. Especially when life throws a curveball right at your face. Learning to regulate or control your emotions is an important part of being resilient. Learn more by clicking on Actions. 5. Create Goals If you want to learn something new, you have to practice. You have to commit. Learning to be more resilient is no exception. Being anxious means being afraid of change. Resiliency is a change in thinking, breaking habits of being scared of situations. Practicing emotional regulation, optimism, positive coping skills and self-compassion requires setting goals. Learn more by clicking on SMART Goals. 6. Build Optimism Bouncing back requires a positive mindset. Instead of jumping to terrible conclusions, your brain needs to form a highway to "what can I learn?" In order for your brain to build the highway, you have to build optimism. Positive thinking just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst. Click on Optimism to learn more. 7. Focus on yourself You also have to take care of you. Focusing on your needs helps you feel secure in your ability to do things. If you have self-compassion, you will be able to feel comforted from within rather than relying on others or things to make you feel better. You will be motivated to do things for yourself the way the feel motivated to do things for others. Learn more by clicking on Self Compassion. |
8. Find Support
Sometimes you may find yourself isolated because of anxiety. Maybe you feel embarrassed about your problems and find it easier to just be alone rather than explain yourself to other people. Personally, we suffer through this A LOT.
It feels like sitting in a dark room in the middle of the night paralyzed by the fear of not knowing what to do. But, once you drag your problem into the light and share or ask for help or learn how others dealt with it, the problem seems manageable. Avoiding people will cause you to miss opportunities to enjoy your life that can only happen in the company of others. Not everyone will understand every hurdle you have to jump, so you have to make sure you have a network. Learn more by clicking on Support.
9. Use Boundaries
"Boundaries" are just a fancy word for "when you say No". Putting a fence up to keep the stuff you're not okay with out.
With anxiety, we put up a lot of fences and rules. You have to sift through the rules that keep you from living your life (never stand out and attract attention) and post up the important ones that establish your self-identity, assert your needs and preferences, and protect you from potential harm. Learn more by clicking on Boundaries.
10. Communicate
When you can be assertive (stand up for yourself) and communicate your needs, you feel more confident about your ability to handle stress. Anxiety not only restricts our ability to communicate because we're so caught up that we say mean or hurtful things, but our anxiety is sometimes caused by communicating (hello social anxiety!). Learn about Effective Communication by clicking on Communication.
Sometimes you may find yourself isolated because of anxiety. Maybe you feel embarrassed about your problems and find it easier to just be alone rather than explain yourself to other people. Personally, we suffer through this A LOT.
It feels like sitting in a dark room in the middle of the night paralyzed by the fear of not knowing what to do. But, once you drag your problem into the light and share or ask for help or learn how others dealt with it, the problem seems manageable. Avoiding people will cause you to miss opportunities to enjoy your life that can only happen in the company of others. Not everyone will understand every hurdle you have to jump, so you have to make sure you have a network. Learn more by clicking on Support.
9. Use Boundaries
"Boundaries" are just a fancy word for "when you say No". Putting a fence up to keep the stuff you're not okay with out.
With anxiety, we put up a lot of fences and rules. You have to sift through the rules that keep you from living your life (never stand out and attract attention) and post up the important ones that establish your self-identity, assert your needs and preferences, and protect you from potential harm. Learn more by clicking on Boundaries.
10. Communicate
When you can be assertive (stand up for yourself) and communicate your needs, you feel more confident about your ability to handle stress. Anxiety not only restricts our ability to communicate because we're so caught up that we say mean or hurtful things, but our anxiety is sometimes caused by communicating (hello social anxiety!). Learn about Effective Communication by clicking on Communication.
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