Thought roots
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Here's the thing about thoughts. We assume that because they came from our brain, they are our original thoughts and so they must be true.
Guess what? Even though you are a super smart person who knows many things about many things, not all of your thoughts are unique. In order to reframe critical self-talk, you first have to hear this mind-blowing fact: did you know that your brain doesn't have a very good file system? It's true. The file system is pretty much just a big box. The less you connect the upstairs brain to the downstairs brain, the bigger the box. That box might be marked "angry" if your box is big and you're not connecting your logic to your emotions. It might be marked "feeling cheated" if your box is smaller because you're starting to use logic when you have big feelings. |
Sometimes we hear things other people say and our brain files it in the "things to say when something doesn't go as planned."
Sometimes these things are said to us and they're not nice or true because life is complicated and no one is perfect.
Sometimes we learn it in a book, or movie, or overhear it.
The stuff that goes in the box tells you how to react. It's collected from watching how the people around you react (especially your family and friends), and the media you consume (movies, shows, games, books, podcasts, etc.), and what you are told is the "right" thing to do.
When you're feeling big emotions, you tend to pull out whatever is the biggest influence mixed in with what you feel like doing. That voice in your head judging what you are doing could have come from a villain in a Disney movie.
Sometimes these things are said to us and they're not nice or true because life is complicated and no one is perfect.
Sometimes we learn it in a book, or movie, or overhear it.
The stuff that goes in the box tells you how to react. It's collected from watching how the people around you react (especially your family and friends), and the media you consume (movies, shows, games, books, podcasts, etc.), and what you are told is the "right" thing to do.
When you're feeling big emotions, you tend to pull out whatever is the biggest influence mixed in with what you feel like doing. That voice in your head judging what you are doing could have come from a villain in a Disney movie.
Roots turn into Habits
We, as humans, are creatures of habit. Habits allow us to go through life with little or no conscious thought.
Have you ever tried to go through even one day making conscious decisions about everything that you’re doing!?!
Imagine if you didn't have habits. You would literally take all day to do basic things like eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or get dressed.
Habits are an absolute must-have in the grand scheme of human behavior & development.
Most people think of habits and they think of things that we do like brushing your teeth in the morning, eating breakfast, getting dressed, walking/driving the same way to school each day, biting your nails/trying not to bite your nails, things you DO.
But we also have thinking habits, automatic thought processes, that tell our brain how to process information, assumptions, preconceived notions, and thought patterns. These habitual ways of thinking allow us to do a lot of our thinking without needing to think about it.
It's hard to change a habit. As an adult, I feel gross if I don't brush my teeth. I can't go more than 30 minutes without doing it. Not doing it feels wrong.
I also always assume people think I'm awkward. Despite all of the evidence (including that I actually seem unbothered), I default back to that thought. My brain tells me I'm awkward, and that is weirdly comforting because it's a habit that has been formed for years. OK, OK. Decades. It just feels more correct.
Cognitive reframing is from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). You challenge and replace unhealthy/unhelpful thought patterns with healthier and more functional ways of thinking.
One of the fundamental principles of CBT is that our thoughts influence our feelings and behavior. Thus, by reframing the way we think about something we can influence our behavior and emotions in a positive way.
Have you ever tried to go through even one day making conscious decisions about everything that you’re doing!?!
Imagine if you didn't have habits. You would literally take all day to do basic things like eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or get dressed.
Habits are an absolute must-have in the grand scheme of human behavior & development.
Most people think of habits and they think of things that we do like brushing your teeth in the morning, eating breakfast, getting dressed, walking/driving the same way to school each day, biting your nails/trying not to bite your nails, things you DO.
But we also have thinking habits, automatic thought processes, that tell our brain how to process information, assumptions, preconceived notions, and thought patterns. These habitual ways of thinking allow us to do a lot of our thinking without needing to think about it.
It's hard to change a habit. As an adult, I feel gross if I don't brush my teeth. I can't go more than 30 minutes without doing it. Not doing it feels wrong.
I also always assume people think I'm awkward. Despite all of the evidence (including that I actually seem unbothered), I default back to that thought. My brain tells me I'm awkward, and that is weirdly comforting because it's a habit that has been formed for years. OK, OK. Decades. It just feels more correct.
Cognitive reframing is from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). You challenge and replace unhealthy/unhelpful thought patterns with healthier and more functional ways of thinking.
One of the fundamental principles of CBT is that our thoughts influence our feelings and behavior. Thus, by reframing the way we think about something we can influence our behavior and emotions in a positive way.
InvestigationsHere is what you need to do to rewire your brain, or change the filing cabinets so those thoughts don't pop up:
Notice the negative thought. The first step in any cognitive reframing process is to discover the thought patterns you have that are not helpful. If we’re not aware of what our thoughts are then we’re not able to work on them. It helps to be able to put a name or framework to the kinds of thoughts we want to work on. Don't be hard on yourself because you had the thought. Negative thoughts can pop up sometimes before you can stop them. But learning to recognize them can help you shift them. Being aware of your thoughts is something you have to practice. It takes time and effort to improve your awareness. It might be as simple as reminding yourself periodically to pay attention to what you’re thinking, maybe set an alarm to go off several times per day. Mindfulness techniques are also good practice, like journaling and meditation, because they encourage you to notice your thoughts. Read Cognitive Distortions to give you an idea of what to look for. |
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Question the thought.
Most therapists will ask you to use the Socratic Method. Socratic questioning is all about using logic to uncover where we have cognitive distortions in our thinking. Once we become aware of the faulty logic in our thought patterns we’re much less likely to engage with those thoughts.
In order to make sure you're getting the best advice in the big box of reactions, you have to ask yourself some questions. Especially when you hear that critical voice in your head!
You don't have to ask all the questions all the time, but asking questions will help change your perspective and bring in some logic. This reframing will replace the useless information with logic.
Click here to download questions to ask from our workbook.
Replace the thought.
Positive reframing involves thinking about a negative or challenging situation in a more positive way. This could involve thinking about a benefit or upside to a negative situation that you haven't considered. It can involve identifying a lesson to be learned from a difficult situation or tricking your brain into believing that your feelings aren't anxiety. It can be imagining your brain as characters or parts and communicating with it.
1. By reframing your thoughts, you start to focus on the positives rather than getting stuck on the negatives. This shift in focus can lead to a more hopeful and optimistic outlook on life. Ask yourself "What's something that's true and more helpful?" Use your answer to replace the discouraging thought.
Here's an example:
You might first think: "I get so nervous speaking in public. I just know that people are thinking about how bad I am at speaking."
You can replace that thought with: "I'm probably better at public speaking than I think I am. The last time I gave a talk, people applauded afterward."
2. Think about a challenging time in your life, and then ask yourself about a benefit or lesson learned from the experience. For instance, asking the librarian about a specific book was really scary but she helped me find the book and a whole other series I didn't know about!
According to research, you can also replace the thought with "I'm not anxious, I'm excited." Tricking your brain into believing your anxiety is actually excitement is a proven way to reappraise or reframe.
3. In 6 Step Reframing (a process created by a doctor who worked with the dude who created CBT), you imagine that your brain is made up of parts (or little characters like Inside Out). You ask the part of your brain that is creating the bad thought "why? what is your intention?"
However you choose to do it, positive reframing means finding the upside in a difficult situation.
Most therapists will ask you to use the Socratic Method. Socratic questioning is all about using logic to uncover where we have cognitive distortions in our thinking. Once we become aware of the faulty logic in our thought patterns we’re much less likely to engage with those thoughts.
In order to make sure you're getting the best advice in the big box of reactions, you have to ask yourself some questions. Especially when you hear that critical voice in your head!
- Am I falling into a thinking trap, e.g. catastrophizing or overestimating danger?
- What is the evidence that this thought is true?
- What is the evidence that this it is not true?
- Have I confused a thought with a fact?
- What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?
- What would a friend say about my thought?
- Am I 100% sure that ___________will happen?
- How many times has __________happened before?
- Is __________so important that my future depends on it?
- What is the worst that could happen?
- If it did happen, what could I do to cope with or handle it?
- Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?
- Am I confusing “possibility” with “certainty”? It may be possible, but is it likely?
- Is this a hassle or a horror?
You don't have to ask all the questions all the time, but asking questions will help change your perspective and bring in some logic. This reframing will replace the useless information with logic.
Click here to download questions to ask from our workbook.
Replace the thought.
Positive reframing involves thinking about a negative or challenging situation in a more positive way. This could involve thinking about a benefit or upside to a negative situation that you haven't considered. It can involve identifying a lesson to be learned from a difficult situation or tricking your brain into believing that your feelings aren't anxiety. It can be imagining your brain as characters or parts and communicating with it.
1. By reframing your thoughts, you start to focus on the positives rather than getting stuck on the negatives. This shift in focus can lead to a more hopeful and optimistic outlook on life. Ask yourself "What's something that's true and more helpful?" Use your answer to replace the discouraging thought.
Here's an example:
You might first think: "I get so nervous speaking in public. I just know that people are thinking about how bad I am at speaking."
You can replace that thought with: "I'm probably better at public speaking than I think I am. The last time I gave a talk, people applauded afterward."
2. Think about a challenging time in your life, and then ask yourself about a benefit or lesson learned from the experience. For instance, asking the librarian about a specific book was really scary but she helped me find the book and a whole other series I didn't know about!
According to research, you can also replace the thought with "I'm not anxious, I'm excited." Tricking your brain into believing your anxiety is actually excitement is a proven way to reappraise or reframe.
3. In 6 Step Reframing (a process created by a doctor who worked with the dude who created CBT), you imagine that your brain is made up of parts (or little characters like Inside Out). You ask the part of your brain that is creating the bad thought "why? what is your intention?"
- Ask your brain if it is willing to reveal its positive intent to you. Trust that the answer will come, and be willing to wait for a yes or a no.
- If you get a yes, then probe the part further to learn if it trusts your conscious judgement.
- Do I allow this positive intent to be expressed?
- Is there a more useful behavior that expresses the same positive intent as well? If you get a no, then you have more trust-work to do here. Your bran does not trust that solutions you have come up with will work as well.
- Will the part that ran the old behavior be willing to run one or more of these new behaviors instead?
- Will the part that ran the old behavior identify the triggers for the new behaviors? What are they?
However you choose to do it, positive reframing means finding the upside in a difficult situation.
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