Skills for your whole life

Everyone deals with things that are so frustrating that we feel like we'll explode. Or news that's so exciting we want to run tight circles for four hours but then someone says "that's not really a big deal" and it hurts. Or something that is so stressful it feel like our senses have shut down.

How do you cope or deal with it without jumping into the deep end of the negative thinking pool?

Positive coping skills help you become resilient. 

In our workbook, we talk about In the Moment and Daily Practice. We also talk about Identifying Emotions and Identifying Triggers. These are all part of Positive Coping Skills.

What are they??

You know when you spend three entire days trying to figure out how to get out of that after school club you promised to go to because there's a bunch of kids you don't know? Or when you just don't do something because it's too hard to figure out but you didn't tell anyone because you hate conflict?

That's a negative coping skill: Avoidance. We do this with or without wanting to. This is our way of "dealing with it."

Just like changing our Core Beliefs that make us think negative thoughts, our Actions towards things that make us anxious need changed too. Learning Positive Coping Skills help us better deal with stress so the BIG PROBLEMS aren't so big anymore.

Positive Coping Skills are called active coping or approach coping. These types of coping addresses a problem directly.​

​There are two main types of active coping:

• Active-behavioral coping addresses the problem directly.
• Active-cognitive coping involves changing how you think about the stressor.

​For example, talking through problems that are causing stress, reframing a situation to recognize the positives or finding a new perspective, or another tool you learned from your faith all demonstrate active coping.

Approach coping is defined as actively moving towards a stressor in order to seek information, social support, plan ahead, and attempt to solve the problems.

You anticipate the problem and address it head on. This may be easier for us because it's sudden, unexpected situations that often give us anxiety. This is how we practice our Plan, we put ourselves in stressful situations on purpose to manage our anxiety. 

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Focusing on the Problem
Taking direct action to solve a problem is often the fastest way to reduce stress. This works best when you are dealing with a specific and solvable problem or situation, rather than unfocused anxiety and stress or something out of your control.

• Finding as much information as possible about the situation, including the people who can support you in finding a solution
• Breaking the problem down into manageable chunks, and addressing them one step at a time.

Learn more in Creative Thinking (click on the box). 

Focusing on your Emotions
Stress is not just a function of what’s happening to us or around us. It is also the result of what’s happening inside us. How you react to your thoughts and feelings plays a major role in whether or not you experience a situation as stressful. 

• Breathing and relaxation practices: you can do this In The Moment, but it works best when you practice (Daily Practice)
• Creativity:  including art, music, or dance, which help you process emotions in positive and productive ways.
• ​Positive distracting: Finding a Disruptor to distract yourself from the stress allows you to gain a new perspective. (Click on the blue blob with eyes). 
• Reframing your negative thoughts and Core Beliefs are how you start to focus on your anxiety. Click on the ABCs of CBT to learn more.  

Finding Support
Turning to others who can help solve a problem is one of the most helpful coping skills. It’s a boost for the emotions and can also help with a specific stressor. Research shows that girls tend to use the social support strategy more naturally than boys, who are more inclined to use avoidant strategies. 

• Connecting with a close friend who makes you feel loved for who you really are
• Reaching out to a parent or other trusted adult, such as a coach or school guidance counselor.

Perspective 
Finding meaning can help you change the way you view a situation. This is the most helpful coping skill for unsolvable problems, or problems you can't control. Trying to see the positive or meaningful aspects of a difficult situation can change the way we feel about it.

• Reframing help you shift your mindset and point of view, allowing you to see a situation, person, or relationship from a healthier point of view. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps with this. Click on the ABC's of CBT for more info. 
• Journaling can help you put your feelings in perspective and make sense of what they’re going through as part of their larger story.
• ​Practicing Self-Love is Self-Compassion. When you allow yourself room for mistakes, you allow yourself to grow. You are better equipped to deal with stress when you are compassionate for yourself. 
• Tapping Into Your Best Self: knowing your character traits as part of your Personal Identity can help you use your strengths to tackle stress. 

Tap into your Soul
For many people, this form of coping involves an organized religion, being outside, being active, or doing things for other people. 

• Adventure: Spending time in nature inspires a sense of awe and gratitude, and reminds you that they’re part of something bigger than themselves.
• Kindness: Charity, Empathy, and Daily Kindness connects you to your larger community. It’s also proven to lower stress and promote overall health and well-being.
• Faith traditions can support healthy coping by providing social and emotional support and a sense of meaning.