Who you are as an individual and who you are in different groups might be different. Learn More about Social Identity by clicking on the Social Identity box.
While belonging to social groups is an important part of who we are (and helps us practice our Plan, click on the link if you don't have one yet!), we still have control over how we define ourselves and what parts of our identities we want to show off over others. |
What it it?Answering the question, "who am I?" is something you will do a lot while you're growing up. Some of us still ask that question as adults!
Exploring your personal identity is working to understand who you are at your core, and become aware of what makes you YOU. What do you like? What do you dislike? What do you value? What are the important parts of your culture to you? Have any parts of your identity changed in any way? When you understand your own identity, you will be more self-aware and confident, which leads to better self-esteem. You also learn one of the biggest lessons- “Different people do different things in different ways.” This helps to decenter you, or take the spotlight off of you, which can take the pressure off of Social Anxiety Personal identity refers to the unique ways that you think of yourself. Your personal identity is one of the keys to feeling confident that you can manage anxiety. Knowing who you are and what you value is important to knowing what you can achieve!
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Where does it come from?
Who you are, or your identity, depends on things you can control and things you can't.
On one side, your hair color, skin tone, eye color, ethnicity, culture, heritage, family, language, gender, and abilities are things you were born with or were given to you.
On the other side, clothing, interests, community groups, friends, personality traits, likes, and dislikes are things you can sometimes change.
The actual brain science behind where your identity comes from starts with the prefrontal cortex. It's an important part of your brain. It is at the front of the frontal lobe, which is immediately behind the forehead. It affects your behavior, personality, and ability to plan.
The medial frontal gyrus (MFG) is a bunch of spongy brain folds on the outside middle region of the frontal lobe. It is the seat of our identity. It is your "you."
There are A LOT of theories about how and why and what does it mean to be??? The most important part of all of this is knowing that your personal identity is who you are and what you stand for.
It comes from a lot of places and changes over the course of your life.
On one side, your hair color, skin tone, eye color, ethnicity, culture, heritage, family, language, gender, and abilities are things you were born with or were given to you.
On the other side, clothing, interests, community groups, friends, personality traits, likes, and dislikes are things you can sometimes change.
The actual brain science behind where your identity comes from starts with the prefrontal cortex. It's an important part of your brain. It is at the front of the frontal lobe, which is immediately behind the forehead. It affects your behavior, personality, and ability to plan.
The medial frontal gyrus (MFG) is a bunch of spongy brain folds on the outside middle region of the frontal lobe. It is the seat of our identity. It is your "you."
There are A LOT of theories about how and why and what does it mean to be??? The most important part of all of this is knowing that your personal identity is who you are and what you stand for.
It comes from a lot of places and changes over the course of your life.
Personal Identity and Anxiety
Tons of research has shown that anxiety makes us feel bad about ourselves and makes us change our personality to fit in. When anxiety consumes us, we don't focus on who we are. Without self-identity, you end up feeling lost or aimless, have high stress levels, act like a chameleon and change your personality around different people, have mood swings, lack purpose, and have a low self-esteem.
This is serious stuff.
We tend to repress, or stamp down, our feelings in order to just fit in. Be "normal."
Repressing feelings of fear, worry, and stress may even give you a short-term fix.
But relying on "stamping down" instead of addressing the underlying causes and symptoms of anxiety will only make your anxiety worse, causing it to increase over time until suppression is no longer an option.
Some of us please others because we feel anxious about fitting in, rejection, or causing offense.
For example, a person with social anxiety may feel they must do whatever their friends want in order for people to like them. It can be a subtle attempt to control others' perceptions.
Being people-pleasers and perfectionists is our attempt to control anxiety. Our worry is excessive and out of control; we can’t shut it off.
Our bodies also get stressed: Insomnia, muscle tension, rapid heart rate, fatigue, gastrointestinal issues, sweating, and headaches are all common physical symptoms of anxiety.
Our anxiety makes us think we’re inadequate, defective, and unlovable – and we’re afraid others already know this or will find out. We’re afraid we’ll be criticized, embarrassed, rejected, or abandoned.
So, we play it safe. We stick to what we’re good at. We work hard to be agreeable. We stuff our feelings, needs, and opinions (especially if we think they’re disagreeable or inconvenient).
We ignore our own self-compassion, and self-esteem, fold to peer pressure
This is serious stuff.
We tend to repress, or stamp down, our feelings in order to just fit in. Be "normal."
Repressing feelings of fear, worry, and stress may even give you a short-term fix.
But relying on "stamping down" instead of addressing the underlying causes and symptoms of anxiety will only make your anxiety worse, causing it to increase over time until suppression is no longer an option.
Some of us please others because we feel anxious about fitting in, rejection, or causing offense.
For example, a person with social anxiety may feel they must do whatever their friends want in order for people to like them. It can be a subtle attempt to control others' perceptions.
Being people-pleasers and perfectionists is our attempt to control anxiety. Our worry is excessive and out of control; we can’t shut it off.
Our bodies also get stressed: Insomnia, muscle tension, rapid heart rate, fatigue, gastrointestinal issues, sweating, and headaches are all common physical symptoms of anxiety.
Our anxiety makes us think we’re inadequate, defective, and unlovable – and we’re afraid others already know this or will find out. We’re afraid we’ll be criticized, embarrassed, rejected, or abandoned.
So, we play it safe. We stick to what we’re good at. We work hard to be agreeable. We stuff our feelings, needs, and opinions (especially if we think they’re disagreeable or inconvenient).
We ignore our own self-compassion, and self-esteem, fold to peer pressure
Your anxiety affects your personal identity in two ways:
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Your Development
When you don't define who you are and what you stand for, you will run into bigger problems down the road. Having a personal identity doesn’t mean that we act the same all the time. We might be moody, or act differently under stress or in certain situations. Your personal identity is who you are and what you stand for. It grounds you. It helps you make good choices in life. If you understand yourself, it’s easier to know what makes you happy. You can set goals that fit with who you are. Both anxiety and depression can make the typical identity crisis of teenage years way harder. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson coined the term ‘identity crisis’. He theorized there are 8 stages of development that build on each other. The environment a child grows up in is crucial to forming their sense of self awareness and self. Here are 3 stages in the middle of your development defined by Erikson: Initiative vs. Guilt
Age developed: 3 to 5 years In this stage, we learn to assert ourselves in social settings. If we succeed, we will develop initiative and generally feel more capable. If we fail, we’ll generally be left with more guilt and self-doubt. Industry vs. Inferiority Age developed: 6 to 11 years If we’re encouraged to improve our abilities and if our accomplishments are commended, we’re likely to develop a sense of confidence. If we’re discouraged and/or ridiculed by parents, teachers, or peers, we’re more likely to doubt our abilities. Identity vs. Confusion Age developed: 12 to 18 years In our teenage years, we can receive affirmation of our ideals, values, and sense of self or we can receive various forms of derision and rejection. Those who have their sense of self positively reinforced develop stronger feelings of independence and control. Those who don’t receive positive reinforcement end up with more insecurity and remain confused about themselves and their future. People with a strong sense of self trust their own judgement. They also feel confident about themselves! Especially as a kid, those who have a clear sense of self cope better with stress and problems.
Personal Identity is important for your development to avoid bigger issues down the road! |
Your Brain
Anxiety can be consuming, or a really big part of our lives. It can force us to make choices that we regret (not trying things) or tell us what we can and cannot do each day (you can't wear your favorite jeans because once you heard someone say those types of jeans were so last year). When we're anxious as kids, our brain processes the stress as part of who we are. At its worst, "you centered" stress can be really frustrating and sometimes scary. It happens because of that "you" area in the brain: the medial frontal gyrus (MFG). The brain has a default for stress: it automatically jumps straight to "it's about you." So, if being around new people feels stressful, your brain translates that into "it's because of you." Below the MFG are the negative emotion areas. On one side are evaluative areas. On the other side are the attention areas. It's a clustered network of brain regions that fire together, so that any time a stressful situation happens, it is automatically considered:
This structure of the brain can lead to shifting your attention back to the anxiety, over and over again, leading to a dysregulated emotion-based processing. It's interesting to know why your brain makes you think stressful situations feel over the top emotional. It causes you to jump to terrible conclusions and think the events are directly related to you. Knowing your identity thinks anxiety is a part of who you are means it takes work to change it. You'll need positive coping skills, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and perspective to change that connection. Most of all you'll need to outline your personal identity to remind your brain that you are not anxiety. |
Figuring it all out
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Repeat this often, use it as a mantra, tattoo it on your forehead (just kidding, don't do that):
You deserve to feel confident in your choices. You deserve to be told you're doing a great job. You deserve to surround yourself with people who appreciate you and want you to be happy. When you know your values and beliefs, you can choose to be around people who support you. Use the Mind Mapping Worksheet (linked on the Mind Map page) by clicking on the box. |
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Exploring who you are
Exploring who you are requires self-reflection and space to think about the different parts of who you are. Since managing anxiety requires a lot of tracking and writing, exploring your identity is a chance to take a break and do some fun activities! Here are some resources to get you started:
Learning for Justice
Soar with Wings
SEL Space
Learning for Justice
Soar with Wings
SEL Space
Personality Traits vs. Character Traits
While character and personality are both used to describe someone's behaviors, the two examine different aspects of that individual. One's personality is more visible, while one's character is revealed over time, through varying situations.
Character traits are your strengths, values, or moral and ethical qualities. These beliefs and moral principles are what you stand for. They can guide your behavior in ways you might not even know.
Personality traits are your physical, psychological, emotional, and social aspects that you display through behavior and actions.
In social emotional learning, we use Character Traits to explore different ways of behaving. Click on the box to learn more about how to use Character Traits to explore your identity and identify important charcter traits in friends.
Personality traits are your physical, psychological, emotional, and social aspects that you display through behavior and actions.
In social emotional learning, we use Character Traits to explore different ways of behaving. Click on the box to learn more about how to use Character Traits to explore your identity and identify important charcter traits in friends.
What is your personal identity?
We all have many personal and social identities, some we can change and some we can't. These labels, or nouns, help us make sense of ourselves and our experiences in the world.
Figuring out and writing down your personal identity will help you manage anxiety.
What if you change or want to change? Click on the box to explore more identity activities and see how social emotional skills can help you with anxiety.
Figuring out and writing down your personal identity will help you manage anxiety.
What if you change or want to change? Click on the box to explore more identity activities and see how social emotional skills can help you with anxiety.
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