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We have to be honest. When we first started hearing "growth mindset" in school lessons, it felt like one of things that everybody knows but no one wants to hear. New agey. Infomercial. Scammy.
Also everyone was already kicking and screaming about doing math and reading and really with this stuff??? But then we started looking into it. After studying the behavior of thousands of children, Dr. Dweck coined the terms "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset" to describe the underlying beliefs people have about learning and intelligence. This is SUPER IMPORTANT for anxiety management. Recent advances in neuroscience have shown us that the brain is far more malleable, or shapeable, than we ever knew. Research on brain plasticity has shown how connectivity between neurons can change with experience. With practice, neural networks grow new connections, strengthen existing ones, and build insulation that speeds transmission of impulses. These means we can increase our neural growth by the actions we take! |
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Mindset and AnxietyYou know that feeling you get when everything feels too hard and you just don't think you can do it and you really want to just quit?
Breaking down in anger or sadness is a fixed mindset. Of course you're going to feel that way sometimes. But you have to change the way you think about failure! Sometimes it helps to read about famous failures. When it comes to anxiety, a fixed mindset tells you anxiety is just part of who you are and that it can’t be changed or controlled. One study found that youth with a fixed mindset were 58% more likely to show severe symptoms of anxiety and depression compared to youth with a growth mindset. Having a growth mindset can significantly change your mental health. In order to have a growth mindset, you have to believe that change is possible and that the brain is able to be changed. It helps you manage anxiety because you're changing your perspective. |
Our mind is a powerful tool, It influences how we think feel and act. Our mindset can influence the way we live our lives and the opportunities and experiences available to us. Having a growth mindset can help us try new things, overcome fears and create opportunities we never thought possible. For anxiety, it helps you:
Sometimes it helps to identify your strengths and your "yets," or things you want to do but you're still learning.
And sometimes it helps to write down what you think growth words mean and what they mean to you.
Click on the box above to download the FREE growth mindset worksheet!
- Build resilience in seeing mistakes as part of the learning process moves you closer to your goals.
- Use feedback as information on how you can improve rather than a criticism or taking it personally.
- Know what you can control and what you can change in your life.
- Know you can always improve and get better is something if you are willing to put in enough time and effort.
- Be grateful for what you have and have been able to achieve.
Sometimes it helps to identify your strengths and your "yets," or things you want to do but you're still learning.
And sometimes it helps to write down what you think growth words mean and what they mean to you.
Click on the box above to download the FREE growth mindset worksheet!
How to change your mindset
1. Challenge your beliefs about what you can and can’t do. Maybe you are a good leader. Maybe you can do hard things. Maybe you can be on that singing reality show.
2. Challenge your ideas about how things should work. Sometimes when you decide how things should be you limit your ability to be your best in reality. Try new stuff. Get out of your comfort zone.
3. Find your spark. Finding an activity that motivates you because you love it will help take the edge off of the hard stuff. If you don't have one, no worries. Write in a journal, create a video, sketch—anything that lets you explore what excites you most.
4. Look for opportunities in a tough situation. Everyone gets off course with surprises, but not everyone lets it ruin everything. When your reaction to the unexpected is to roll with it, you might be surprised in a good way!
5. Remove something from your life that doesn’t serve you to make room for something better and new. You never know what you might let in when you let something go.
6. Commit to something you always say you’ll do but always fail to start—and then take the first step right now. Create goals. Achieve them.
7. Turn your focus from something don’t want to something you do want. This allows you to shift your energy from complaining to taking action.
8. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive energy creates positive results.
9. Identify the things that keep you from breaking a bad habit. Anytime you improve your habits, you pave the path for personal excellence.
10. Forgive and forget. Getting rid of resentment or grudges and making way for positive coping skills will help you be more open-minded.
2. Challenge your ideas about how things should work. Sometimes when you decide how things should be you limit your ability to be your best in reality. Try new stuff. Get out of your comfort zone.
3. Find your spark. Finding an activity that motivates you because you love it will help take the edge off of the hard stuff. If you don't have one, no worries. Write in a journal, create a video, sketch—anything that lets you explore what excites you most.
4. Look for opportunities in a tough situation. Everyone gets off course with surprises, but not everyone lets it ruin everything. When your reaction to the unexpected is to roll with it, you might be surprised in a good way!
5. Remove something from your life that doesn’t serve you to make room for something better and new. You never know what you might let in when you let something go.
6. Commit to something you always say you’ll do but always fail to start—and then take the first step right now. Create goals. Achieve them.
7. Turn your focus from something don’t want to something you do want. This allows you to shift your energy from complaining to taking action.
8. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive energy creates positive results.
9. Identify the things that keep you from breaking a bad habit. Anytime you improve your habits, you pave the path for personal excellence.
10. Forgive and forget. Getting rid of resentment or grudges and making way for positive coping skills will help you be more open-minded.
Emotional Regulation
In first learning to handle unproductive or socially unacceptable emotions, most of us start by repression, or hiding and ignoring. And we usually do this at a pretty young age.
We focus on "stamping down" this emotion after it has already surfaced. While some mild form of this can be helpful, denying yourself the ability to express strong emotions long-term can have a negative effect on your overall mental health.
The more effective approach is to find a way to stop triggering those emotions in the first place.
For us, that means not feeling threatened when someone doesn't agree with our point of view; easier said than done. Knowing and doing are not the same thing.
Most of us tend to believe that we’re interpreting life in real time, and that everything we see, hear, smell, and otherwise sense is the absolute truth, but that’s not actually accurate.
In reality, your brain is a super fast processor. Your senses receive information, then send the signal to your brain, which interprets what your body is telling you. There's a 50-100 millisecond delay. It's super fast. But there's a delay.
This delay will force your brain to predict the outcome and form a reaction. In Thoughts, we discuss how these reactions are formed. Your brain could learn a reaction from a movie or a thing you saw a kid on the bus do once.
Take a moment to think about that. Think about all the ways this might go wrong, all the very small ways your brain might predict a reaction, a facial expression, a statement, or a piece of data differently from someone else.
It's overwhelming to think about building a brand new file box for your brain to access In The Moment or anytime you feel a big emotion coming on. You don’t have to. You don't need to completely replace a whole lifetime of experiences. Most of what you’ve accumulated is probably still very useful.
The goal is the choice to know and believe at the end of the day, that you have the ability to control your own reality, and the responsibility to take ownership for that. Much of anxiety is about control and feeling out of control. But you do have the control to change the way you see the world. Read more about it in Thoughts.
We focus on "stamping down" this emotion after it has already surfaced. While some mild form of this can be helpful, denying yourself the ability to express strong emotions long-term can have a negative effect on your overall mental health.
The more effective approach is to find a way to stop triggering those emotions in the first place.
For us, that means not feeling threatened when someone doesn't agree with our point of view; easier said than done. Knowing and doing are not the same thing.
Most of us tend to believe that we’re interpreting life in real time, and that everything we see, hear, smell, and otherwise sense is the absolute truth, but that’s not actually accurate.
In reality, your brain is a super fast processor. Your senses receive information, then send the signal to your brain, which interprets what your body is telling you. There's a 50-100 millisecond delay. It's super fast. But there's a delay.
This delay will force your brain to predict the outcome and form a reaction. In Thoughts, we discuss how these reactions are formed. Your brain could learn a reaction from a movie or a thing you saw a kid on the bus do once.
Take a moment to think about that. Think about all the ways this might go wrong, all the very small ways your brain might predict a reaction, a facial expression, a statement, or a piece of data differently from someone else.
It's overwhelming to think about building a brand new file box for your brain to access In The Moment or anytime you feel a big emotion coming on. You don’t have to. You don't need to completely replace a whole lifetime of experiences. Most of what you’ve accumulated is probably still very useful.
The goal is the choice to know and believe at the end of the day, that you have the ability to control your own reality, and the responsibility to take ownership for that. Much of anxiety is about control and feeling out of control. But you do have the control to change the way you see the world. Read more about it in Thoughts.
Criticism and Feedback
The natural response is to feel defensive when we receive feedback or criticism. This is true for all people. Nobody likes to be criticized but it can be particularly difficult for us. For some of us, all directive communication feels like criticism.
We are already self-critical and often have an ongoing internal dialogue that is harshly judgmental. Even “constructive criticism” in the form of performance reviews and feedback or implicit criticism that consists of helping you when you feel you don’t need help or unsolicited advice, is often difficult to take. Having someone else be critical, provide feedback, or directives feels like salt to the wound and triggers feelings of shame at being exposed as deficient.
If you're feeling aggressive, you counterattack; if you are feeling passive, you suffer in silence. You worry that your face turned red, that you made a weird face, that your voice sounded like you were going to cry. No matter what our reaction is, we will feel bad after.
Those of us with social anxiety are terrified of being judged and being criticized. Having someone comment can feel like being under attack in a war zone!
So how can you learn to take criticism without becoming anxious, defensive, and angry?
We are already self-critical and often have an ongoing internal dialogue that is harshly judgmental. Even “constructive criticism” in the form of performance reviews and feedback or implicit criticism that consists of helping you when you feel you don’t need help or unsolicited advice, is often difficult to take. Having someone else be critical, provide feedback, or directives feels like salt to the wound and triggers feelings of shame at being exposed as deficient.
If you're feeling aggressive, you counterattack; if you are feeling passive, you suffer in silence. You worry that your face turned red, that you made a weird face, that your voice sounded like you were going to cry. No matter what our reaction is, we will feel bad after.
Those of us with social anxiety are terrified of being judged and being criticized. Having someone comment can feel like being under attack in a war zone!
So how can you learn to take criticism without becoming anxious, defensive, and angry?
- Listen. Really listen to what is being said. Try to remain objective. Is there some truth in what is being said?
- Look for common trends. Have you begun to notice that you’re being criticized for similar things over and over? Even though you may not think there is a problem, if you begin to notice a pattern, there may be something you need to change.
- Don't assume the criticism is valid. Investigate further. If only one person is making the same claim, maybe it's them. If many people are presenting the information, maybe they are truly trying to help.
- Don't assume the spotlight is on you. Just like everyone doesn't like receiving feedback, not a lot of people like giving it. Just because you have social anxiety, it doesn't mean you are the only one who is uncomfortable. Ask for tips or tricks on how to improve to help understand where they are coming from.
- Don’t get defensive. It’s important not to make excuses. Instead, say that you’ve heard what they are saying and let them know how you’ll handle the situation differently next time.
- Ask someone you trust if the information is valid. Even if they aren't with you at school and can't know if the feedback is true, for instance, at least they can help you decipher intent.
- Ask for help. Asking how you can improve lets the individual who gave the criticism know that you take their feedback seriously and that you would like to work on doing better.
- Practice self-compassion. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and with the right attitude, we can learn from our mistakes. Nobody’s perfect.
If you have social anxiety disorder (SAD), being assertive can feel like a struggle. We get it. Being upfront about our feelings and sharing them with others feels hard, to the point that we would just rather keep them to ourselves.
The problem is people can't read our minds, so we will often find our needs going unmet—and we don't want that, right?
Assertive communication requires attentive listening. Learn more by clicking on Being Assertive.
The problem is people can't read our minds, so we will often find our needs going unmet—and we don't want that, right?
Assertive communication requires attentive listening. Learn more by clicking on Being Assertive.
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