Skills You NeedDid you know your brain is like a muscle?
If you don't exercise, you won't have strong muscles. Unfortunately, our staircase is under construction for a quarter of our life (some adults may even argue it's still under construction). The "staircase" is using logic when you feel strong emotions. Easy, right? It's not easy. At all. Big emotions are not logical. First we need to know what skills are important to the staircase. These are the skills you will need to build your staircase! |
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“The upstairs brain is like a muscle; when it gets used, it develops, gets stronger, and performs better. And when it gets ignored, it doesn’t develop optimally, losing some of its power and ability to function”- pg. 52 The Whole Brain Child
Making Connections
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Having anxiety makes it feel like your systems are out of your control. Your thoughts might even trick you into thinking your reactions are necessary.
Maybe you see other kids your age having meltdowns and think, it's something we all do. Unfortunately, especially at this age, just because other kids do it doesn't mean it's "normal." Right now, you're beginning to see a divide: the kids who are making the connections between upstairs and downstairs, and the kids with the same old attention-seeking behaviors as Pre-K. Your anxiety makes you fear both groups. Leaving you in the middle. Meanwhile, Your anxiety is helping your brain make rules about what is acceptable and expected and what is not. You might create coping strategies that may be unhealthy. Meanwhile, your concern about how others see you and judge you is preventing you from building those connections for your staircase. Building the staircase is something you're doing every day. As you grow and learn, the staircase is making connections between logic and survival. When you live with anxiety, you don't allow those connections to form, leaving you vulnerable to big life problems down the road. Good news. We made this site for you. We showed you how our process works. This step is part of Chill. You can click on the box above to see how each Social Emotional Skill is important to managing your anxiety. |
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Exercises to Build Your Staircase
Building the staircase is about making good choices, emotional regulation, becoming more self-aware, and juggling life with who you are. Try these brain muscle building activities to strengthen your staircase.
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Exercise #1: Making sound decisions
Find opportunities to make choices. Choices strengthen the upstairs brain and will give you practice making decisions. If it feels like you don't get to make choices because of school or rules at home.... Recognize that you choose your mindset. You choose your clothes and your words. You choose how to cope, the way you treat others, and the way you treat yourself. You choose what books you read, what games you play, and what or who is important to you. |
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Exercise #2: Learn emotional regulation and positive coping skills.
Obviously this is a big part of connecting fight or flight to logic. We talk about the big things like strategies to calm down and ways to practice calming down, behaviors that make your anxiety worse and ways to Deal With It. In order to really practice emotional regulation and coping skills, you need to push yourself to go outside of your comfort zone. Practice Optimism and a positive mindset. Try new things. Find your Spark. Be creative. |
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Just remember that big emotions get bigger as you grow. They consume a lot of your time but they also disappear quickly. Your body is dealing with hormonal shifts that can cause surprising mood swings. Add school stress or peer problems and your mood may seem to change from minute to minute. Things like social media can add to your stress, so remember to take time for yourself.
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Exercise #3: Dig Deeper & look below the surface (self-awareness)
Self-awareness is the latest social emotional buzzword and for good reason. Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers. And we’re more-effective leaders. Recognizing our own emotions and the emotions of others is the first step to becoming self-aware. Looking at ourselves honestly can help us respond to compliments, feedback, and criticism openly and earnestly. |
This sense of self allows us see and acknowledge both the positive and negative things in our nature. The act of identifying things that you're good at reinforces a positive self-image.
The thoughts-feelings-actions circle is essential to CBT and managing your anxiety. It works by describing situations you find yourself in, how those situations make you feel, how and what you think, and how you act based on those thoughts and feelings.
Establishing and Working Toward Goals gives us successes to celebrate, which creates self-efficacy (belief in your abilities). Setting realistic goals and writing down steps you can take to meet those goals helps you tackle all kinds of problems.
The thoughts-feelings-actions circle is essential to CBT and managing your anxiety. It works by describing situations you find yourself in, how those situations make you feel, how and what you think, and how you act based on those thoughts and feelings.
Establishing and Working Toward Goals gives us successes to celebrate, which creates self-efficacy (belief in your abilities). Setting realistic goals and writing down steps you can take to meet those goals helps you tackle all kinds of problems.
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Exercise #4: Think of others
6th-12th graders are often portrayed as self-centered and obsessed with fitting in with their peers. But the tasks of adolescence (ages 8-14) are that you have to juggle classwork with sports or other extracurricular activities, think about future jobs, figure out how to form and maintain relationships of all kinds and figure out who you are. Fortunately, your brain is perfectly prepared to tackle these challenges. The ability to multitask and take other’s perspectives increases during adolescence. Your malleable brain is making you more adaptive, more sensitive to social cues, and more able to integrate knowledge than children or adults. Use it! |
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You are actually amazing for being able to take in all the new perspectives that come with growing into adults ready to take on the world. But the hard part is learning how to process all this new information and balancing a social life and school work with whatever else you choose to do with the little extra free time leftover.
Research shows how the teenage brain is wired for kindness. Teens are more much more likely to be kind when people around them are kind. In fact, kindness tends to spread like a wildfire. But research also shows that 85% of teens felt their communities (school, neighborhood, town) were unkind.
Kindness, Empathy, Charity, and Gratitude are simple ways to help you process all of this stuff. Be the match that lights the fire.
Research shows how the teenage brain is wired for kindness. Teens are more much more likely to be kind when people around them are kind. In fact, kindness tends to spread like a wildfire. But research also shows that 85% of teens felt their communities (school, neighborhood, town) were unkind.
Kindness, Empathy, Charity, and Gratitude are simple ways to help you process all of this stuff. Be the match that lights the fire.
Foundations for Success
In order to build any staircase, you need a good foundation. The foundation for your brain staircase is making sure you know where to find support, learning, reading and looking for ways to practice.
Find your Rock.
Parents or someone in your life that you trust need to be able to keep calm.
One of the least effective things adults can do is to argue with a child when their downstairs brain is in charge.
First connect with the experience “Sometime it’s just really hard…”, listen and offer comfort and compassion. You can problem solve once they have reconnected with their upstairs brain.
Did you ever read The Rabbit Listened? It's GREAT book to read together.
Children are not being manipulative when they have big emotions. Periodt. The upstairs brain remains closed off and difficult to engage until the downstairs brain is spoken to first.
Your support system needs to have someone who can help by modeling calm behavior in the face of a storm (it's really hard so you should be super grateful), researching and trying out strategies together (we have some good ones here), and listening.
One of the least effective things adults can do is to argue with a child when their downstairs brain is in charge.
First connect with the experience “Sometime it’s just really hard…”, listen and offer comfort and compassion. You can problem solve once they have reconnected with their upstairs brain.
Did you ever read The Rabbit Listened? It's GREAT book to read together.
Children are not being manipulative when they have big emotions. Periodt. The upstairs brain remains closed off and difficult to engage until the downstairs brain is spoken to first.
Your support system needs to have someone who can help by modeling calm behavior in the face of a storm (it's really hard so you should be super grateful), researching and trying out strategies together (we have some good ones here), and listening.
Build up the logic and problem solving muscle
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If you've ever tried to lose weight, the first thing you'll hear is "build muscle to lose fat." Same for the brain kind of.
If you want to have logic in the face of big emotions, you have to train your brain. Get some brain sized sweatpants and weights and get cracking! Yeah, no. Brain workouts are more like curl up on the couch with a good book or work through a puzzle. Try some by clicking on the brain link. |
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Resources
Practice makes perfect, amiright? If you want to get better at something, you have to do it a LOT. That's easier said than done! Here are some websites with ideas:
Interactive and engaging mental health websites for children providing age-appropriate resources and tools to support their emotional well-being.
Mindful Powers: Mindful Powers is an interactive app and website designed to teach mindfulness and emotional regulation to children through engaging activities and games. It helps children understand their emotions and develop coping skills.
Girls Health This website is a resource for tween and teen girls, featuring topics and resources about relationships, body, nutrition, illness, drugs and alcohol, feelings, bullying, safety, and the environment.
GoNoodle: While primarily known for its physical activity content, GoNoodle also offers mindfulness and relaxation exercises suitable for kids. The website incorporates fun videos and activities that promote emotional self-awareness and stress reduction.
Take Charge of Your Health: A Guide for Teenagers This site is a resource for teens about how they can make healthy choices.
KidsHealth: (and TeenHealth) KidsHealth provides a comprehensive section on mental health for children and teens. It includes articles, quizzes, and interactive tools that cover various mental health topics in an informative and child-friendly manner.
For Critical Thinking:
Do Something Do Something is a youth-led organization that works to educate other young people about various social justice causes and teaches how to help. You can join campaigns that you are passionate about and perform actions to make changes within your community.
Curiosity Machine Curiosity Machine has a wide range of technology and science based challenges created to allow users to understand the way things work and to be creative in solving problems. For each challenge, you are encouraged to post your design challenge progress and reflect on the final design after you complete it.
Google Arts & Culture Google Arts & Culture is a large database full of information regarding art and culture from all over the world. You can learn about art, cultural events, and artistic influences from around the world. Is there anywhere you’ve always wanted to visit? You can see Stonehenge, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Palace of Versailles, and so much more.
Teen Ink Teen Ink is an online magazine full of articles written by teens for teens on a variety of subjects, and include both fiction and nonfiction articles.
Duolingo Duolingo makes it easy to learn many languages with games and word repetition. It’s free and you can learn as many languages as you would like.
Coursera Coursera is an educational site that allows users to take college classes from highly ranked universities for free. If there’s an unconventional topic you are interested in, such as dog emotion, behavioral finance, cryptography, extinction, and many, many others, register for free and take the courses of your dreams.
Freerice Freerice quizzes you on the topic of your choice (and they have many offerings from language learning to math, geography, English language and grammar, the humanities, and science, and for every question you get correct, grains of rice are donated to a “variety of World Food Programme projects around the world, depending on where needs are greatest” (quoted from freerice.com).
Khan Academy Khan Academy allows for students of all ages to learn at their own pace and in subjects that they may need extra practice in or in which they would like to further their knowledge. Students may also get extra prep for the SAT, ACT, and AP exams.
Scratch Scratch is a website that teaches teens and tweens how to program interactive stories, games, and animations, and allows users to share their creations with others. Learn how to use code for free!
Mindful Powers: Mindful Powers is an interactive app and website designed to teach mindfulness and emotional regulation to children through engaging activities and games. It helps children understand their emotions and develop coping skills.
Girls Health This website is a resource for tween and teen girls, featuring topics and resources about relationships, body, nutrition, illness, drugs and alcohol, feelings, bullying, safety, and the environment.
GoNoodle: While primarily known for its physical activity content, GoNoodle also offers mindfulness and relaxation exercises suitable for kids. The website incorporates fun videos and activities that promote emotional self-awareness and stress reduction.
Take Charge of Your Health: A Guide for Teenagers This site is a resource for teens about how they can make healthy choices.
KidsHealth: (and TeenHealth) KidsHealth provides a comprehensive section on mental health for children and teens. It includes articles, quizzes, and interactive tools that cover various mental health topics in an informative and child-friendly manner.
For Critical Thinking:
Do Something Do Something is a youth-led organization that works to educate other young people about various social justice causes and teaches how to help. You can join campaigns that you are passionate about and perform actions to make changes within your community.
Curiosity Machine Curiosity Machine has a wide range of technology and science based challenges created to allow users to understand the way things work and to be creative in solving problems. For each challenge, you are encouraged to post your design challenge progress and reflect on the final design after you complete it.
Google Arts & Culture Google Arts & Culture is a large database full of information regarding art and culture from all over the world. You can learn about art, cultural events, and artistic influences from around the world. Is there anywhere you’ve always wanted to visit? You can see Stonehenge, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Palace of Versailles, and so much more.
Teen Ink Teen Ink is an online magazine full of articles written by teens for teens on a variety of subjects, and include both fiction and nonfiction articles.
Duolingo Duolingo makes it easy to learn many languages with games and word repetition. It’s free and you can learn as many languages as you would like.
Coursera Coursera is an educational site that allows users to take college classes from highly ranked universities for free. If there’s an unconventional topic you are interested in, such as dog emotion, behavioral finance, cryptography, extinction, and many, many others, register for free and take the courses of your dreams.
Freerice Freerice quizzes you on the topic of your choice (and they have many offerings from language learning to math, geography, English language and grammar, the humanities, and science, and for every question you get correct, grains of rice are donated to a “variety of World Food Programme projects around the world, depending on where needs are greatest” (quoted from freerice.com).
Khan Academy Khan Academy allows for students of all ages to learn at their own pace and in subjects that they may need extra practice in or in which they would like to further their knowledge. Students may also get extra prep for the SAT, ACT, and AP exams.
Scratch Scratch is a website that teaches teens and tweens how to program interactive stories, games, and animations, and allows users to share their creations with others. Learn how to use code for free!
READ
If you do nothing else, just read. Our nana says that a lot.
But it's true! Reading helps you escape, learn, imagine, or get a new perspective! Those are all important for managing anxiety and for developmental growth.
Click on the box for some book ideas to get your brain juice flowing.
But it's true! Reading helps you escape, learn, imagine, or get a new perspective! Those are all important for managing anxiety and for developmental growth.
Click on the box for some book ideas to get your brain juice flowing.
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