What Boundaries are
A personal boundary is a line that separates me from you.
Boundaries separate everything about me, including my physical space, thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, needs, rights, responsibilities, and all of my personality and character traits from your physical space, thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, needs, rights, responsibilities, and all of your personality and character traits.
Unhealthy boundaries are a common underlying factor that contribute to the development of anxiety disorder and its signs and symptoms.
Healthy boundaries help us know what things are our responsibility and what things aren’t.
Boundaries are a buzz topic in mental health at the moment because we are so strongly influenced by the health of our relationships. When we overextend ourselves and go beyond our limitations, we have relationship issues, anxiety, self-criticism and depression.
Boundaries separate everything about me, including my physical space, thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, needs, rights, responsibilities, and all of my personality and character traits from your physical space, thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, needs, rights, responsibilities, and all of your personality and character traits.
Unhealthy boundaries are a common underlying factor that contribute to the development of anxiety disorder and its signs and symptoms.
Healthy boundaries help us know what things are our responsibility and what things aren’t.
Boundaries are a buzz topic in mental health at the moment because we are so strongly influenced by the health of our relationships. When we overextend ourselves and go beyond our limitations, we have relationship issues, anxiety, self-criticism and depression.
Boundaries, Anxiety & Guilt
Setting boundaries can be difficult thanks to anxiety and guilt.
Thanks to anxiety, you look before crossing the street and prepare in advance for work meetings. We feel anxious when we perceive a risk, physically, emotionally or socially.
Guilt can give us a roadmap on how we should behave. However, guilt can sometimes be wrapped up in unhelpful social “rules” that are no longer helpful.
It is normal and okay to experience anxiety and guilt when deciding on and setting boundaries. It’s not incorrect to worry that someone might take a boundary poorly. The big question is, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage going forward? We know that setting boundaries is a critical part of sustainable wellbeing.
Recognize anxious and guilty thoughts and sensations for what they are and what they are not:
Recognize, validate, challenge, regulate and set the boundary!
Ask yourself:
Tell Yourself:
Thanks to anxiety, you look before crossing the street and prepare in advance for work meetings. We feel anxious when we perceive a risk, physically, emotionally or socially.
Guilt can give us a roadmap on how we should behave. However, guilt can sometimes be wrapped up in unhelpful social “rules” that are no longer helpful.
It is normal and okay to experience anxiety and guilt when deciding on and setting boundaries. It’s not incorrect to worry that someone might take a boundary poorly. The big question is, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage going forward? We know that setting boundaries is a critical part of sustainable wellbeing.
Recognize anxious and guilty thoughts and sensations for what they are and what they are not:
- They are trying to protect you and keep you safe.
- They search for the worst possible outcome to defend their case.
- They are not facts or proof of wrongdoing.
- They do not represent what is actually going to happen once you set the boundary
- They won’t necessarily keep you safe long term.
Recognize, validate, challenge, regulate and set the boundary!
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel guilty saying no?
- Do I have a reason why I can't accommodate their request?
- Am I trying to avoid conflict?
- Am I comfortable knowing that my feelings and needs are more important than theirs?
- Do I want to accommodate their request, or am I just afraid of hurting their feelings?
- Will this help me change, grow and adapt?
Tell Yourself:
- Guilt helps me not become a bully. Will I be a bully if I set this boundary?
- I'm allowed to say No.
- I'm not afraid of conflict.
- My needs and feelings are important.
- I value the feelings of others, but I cannot do things that make me uncomfortable.
- I am allowed to change, grow and adapt as others do.
Boundary Styles
There are three types of boundary styles (rigid, porous, and healthy):
Rigid boundaries: Rigid boundaries are boundaries set that are too strict and lack flexibility. Rigid boundaries become an issue when they prevent us from interacting or encourage us to push relationships away. Individuals with rigid boundaries often have a hard time asking for help, seem detached or distant, and are very protective of their emotions and personal information.
Porous boundaries: Porous boundaries are the opposite of rigid boundaries in that they are often too loose and allow for inappropriate interactions. Individuals with porous boundaries often have a hard time saying no, display co-dependency, and accept abusive behaviors from others.
Healthy boundaries: Healthy boundaries fall somewhere in between rigid and porous boundaries. They allow for some flexibility in relationships, but also keep the individual and others safe. Individuals with healthy boundaries can both accept and say no, value their opinions and the opinions of others, and know what they want and communicate it to others.
Rigid boundaries: Rigid boundaries are boundaries set that are too strict and lack flexibility. Rigid boundaries become an issue when they prevent us from interacting or encourage us to push relationships away. Individuals with rigid boundaries often have a hard time asking for help, seem detached or distant, and are very protective of their emotions and personal information.
Porous boundaries: Porous boundaries are the opposite of rigid boundaries in that they are often too loose and allow for inappropriate interactions. Individuals with porous boundaries often have a hard time saying no, display co-dependency, and accept abusive behaviors from others.
Healthy boundaries: Healthy boundaries fall somewhere in between rigid and porous boundaries. They allow for some flexibility in relationships, but also keep the individual and others safe. Individuals with healthy boundaries can both accept and say no, value their opinions and the opinions of others, and know what they want and communicate it to others.
Types of Boundaries
Material: those things you own, such as money, vehicle, home and property, clothes, personal devices, etc.
Physical: your personal space, privacy, and body.
Intellectual: your thoughts, beliefs, values, preferences, and opinions.
Emotional: your emotions and personal feelings.
Spiritual: your beliefs and experiences about God or a higher power.
Time: your limits on your time.
Internal: those limits you set on yourself.
Physical: your personal space, privacy, and body.
Intellectual: your thoughts, beliefs, values, preferences, and opinions.
Emotional: your emotions and personal feelings.
Spiritual: your beliefs and experiences about God or a higher power.
Time: your limits on your time.
Internal: those limits you set on yourself.
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